Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Flipping the Coin

Monday was fight class. I got there a little early and was sitting behind the desk reading a magazine when Shihan came in. He told me that I needed to make a decision by Wednesday on fighting at the Kanreikai World Tournament. That set my happy mood into a different place.

Sensei Kris came out and told me she had something for me in her car. We went out to get it and she kept asking me what was wrong. I really didn't realize that I was being broody so I just said that I was tired.

After kihon and fitness, Shihan had us do walk on our hands around the dojo, if we never had done that before, we were to do handstands against the wall.

I have a wicked problem being upside down. I don't know why, and it is not a fear, but I hate the thought of it. I tried it anyway. Bill and Jared spotted me against the wall. I might have been up for 10 seconds when my shoulder joint wanted to fail and all I could see were stars. Strangely, I was panicking. I helped Bill then Jared, who then both left me to try to walk on their hands. Sensei came by and told the few of us who were left to keep practicing. We were to be upside down for 60 seconds. I just plain didn't do it. I just couldn't bring myself to try again.

What a strange roadblock to have. I can be on the mat and be not afraid of getting hit my the biggest man, but to be on my head for a minute makes me sweat. I am not afraid of falling. I am not sure what it is. Something to work on.

We worked on our diagonal foot work and geared up for sparring. It was to be 30 second rounds. It was an even number of people in class, so Sensei Kris was to stay in her spot so everyone got to fight everyone else. Sensei was my last fight. She got me with a knee to the stomach. I said, 'Hey! I thought knees were off limits in the dojo?'.

She said, 'not for fighters!'.

I had to tell her that I hadn't made up my mind yet. I think she was disappointed in me.

While sweeping the dojo, Sensei and I talked about the pros and cons. When I got home that night, I sat in the driveway. I had thought about it all night and still couldn't make a decision. So I flipped a coin. While it was still in the air, I hoped it would land heads, so I could fight. I sat for a minute, with the coin on the back side of my right hand and my left covering it. I realized it didn't matter what the coin said, I wanted to fight, and fight is what I am going to do.