Feeling Like Me Again

During the last month, I have been trying really hard to get into training. I just feel like I am not good enough. So I have been trying extra hard. Weights in the morning, kickboxing in the after noon and 2 to 3 hours of fight training at night. I was feeling exhausted, burnout. Every time I would preform badly, I would work harder.

A week ago last Monday, after fight class, Shihan had us all take a knee. He discussed the ups and downs and the plateaus of training. He asked if any of us were feeling tired. I reluctantly said that I was. We discussed my training schedule. I was told to cut back. Run only once a week, weights twice and to rest.

Shihan knows so much about fighting and the fighters body. If I am doing this for 50 years I won't know half as much as him. He has an instinct to create fighters. The first fight I was in, we went to Connecticut. There were 6 of us. Sensei K fought full contact and the rest of us were doing semi-contact, because it was our first fight. Every one of us brought home first or second.

Shihan was so great. Sensei was supposed to be my coach and I could hear her shouting commands. I was also hearing the commands of Shihan. "Finish Up!" he'd scream. His voice so deep but loud that it seemed like he was just a few feet away. He was sitting with the big wigs on the big table at the front. I never heard anyone but Shihan yell from that table.

I listened to him, I put away my fitness equipment and joined the gym. Now when I am done working out I go home. No more do I look at the weights and whatnot thinking I should do more.

It took a week but last Monday, when sparring, I didn't feel like I sucked as bad. Last night I sucked even less. I wasn't as out of breath, I defended myself instead of just getting hit. I hit the target instead of just swinging. I felt good.

After last night, I don't feel as anxious as I was. I think that after I posted my fight videos, people in class, especially the new one, have expectations of me. I feel like I cant live up to the hype. Maybe that's why I was training so hard. But I am just a girl and sometimes I will lose, but as long as I do my best, it will all work out.